As is everyday with me, this is apparently Opposite Day. Of course I don't feel like staying away after I say so! Don't you know any better by now?
Anyway, I've been listening to the craptastic single "Damaged" by the craptastic "singing group" Danity Kane (I suppose they are called so because it is somewhat bad marketing to call them the "engineered sound bite group").
Moving on, I thought we could have fun with the music, and make it as fun and educational as possible - for you and the kids! Here's how it works: take the lyrics of "Damaged" and replace one word with a sound. Yes, that's right. Just replace the word "heart", which appears in the song twelve times (not counting when it's spelled), with the sound "unh." If that's not your style, you can say "mm", too. It helps to wiggle your eyebrows a little bit. With such placement, you can get classic phrase like this:
Do, Do you got a first aid kit handy? Do, Do you know how to patch up a wound? Tell me, are you patient, understanding? Cause I might need some time to clear the hole in my unh/mm and I I've tried every remedy And nothing seems to work for me Baby, (baby) this situation is driving me crazy And I really wanna be your lady But the one before you left me so Damaged, damaged Damaged, damaged I thought that I should let you know That my unh/mm is Damaged, damaged So Damaged And you can blame the one before So how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it [cont. ad nauseum.]
Later on in the song, there's this gem:
My unh/mm is missing some pieces I need this puzzle put together again.
That's right! Change one word, and you've got a song about sex safety! Why tell the kids that it's unsafe to have unprotected sex with multiple partners? Let this song tell them for you. Suddenly a horrible and unrelateable song about a first aid kit fixing heart ache is now about getting a hole in your "unh" from a particular horrible former sex partner, and how you'll have to tell every future partner about the hole in your "unh" forever - because it's not curable.
Thanks, Danity Kane, for making those parent-child conversations so much easier!
Adding a little flair to their design, Nintendo put really bright stars under some of the letters. You know, kind of like putting on a little eyeliner to bring out the eyes. Except this time... something strange is afoot. Look at the letters the really bright stars are under.
Can you make it out? Take a closer look.
Look carefully under the letters U, R, M, R, G, A, and Y.
Yes. That's right. UR MR GAY. Best to tell the parents soon.
Thanks to my friend Matt for pointing this out to me.
