Sorry that I've been gone so long, everyone. I know you were eagerly awaiting my return. I just… know these things.
So there are going to be some major changes coming up, including, but not limited to, more entries. I'm going to try and make this blog an actual blog instead of a waystation that I pass through sometimes on my way to other things.
Oh, and stay tuned for my summer trip blog this year. It won't be like Italy, really, but it will be very interesting for my traveling companions and me.
I absolutely hate anticipation.
I've been fighting, trying to find a grad school, trying to scramble and be ready for my journey, and figure out where I want my life to go.
And I'm anticipating it all collapsing while I'm still trying to figure a way to hold it all up.
I am excited. Deep down. But on the surface, and perhaps a bit deeper, I am puzzled by feelings of regret, anxiety, and resentment.
I think it's a combination of all things life and spiritual. But I've been so disheartened lately that I question my own longevity to experience the meat of my life. People say it's gone by; I say it hasn't begun.
Tomorrow marks the beginning of the end of an era. Tomorrow, I begin to understand. Tomorrow, I begin to grow in presence, in strength, in understanding. Tomorrow, I begin to find the answer - if I am woman, if I am man, if I am androgyny personified, if I am human, if I am spirit, if I am goddess, if I am child.
Tomorrow I begin to see the world.
No longer will I be caged. I will taste freedom, and I will covet it, cherish it, and hate it, because it will have ruined my senses for this dimension I have escaped, for this path I have walked, for this air I have cycled. I will hate it and love it and become one with it and part from it - all at once. Once after once after once. Once will turn into a moment, and the moment will last forever. I will be in limbo with my existence, and it will swallow me and spit me, and I will welcome and despise it.
To a land of past, present, and future I travel. Where I find myself I cannot wait to discover.
